I had a strange dream about my mother last night. It was set somewhere straight out of a Gothic horror tale: isolated, dreary, and desolate; full moons and stormy nights. Amongst all the scenery, I was searching and searching for my mother. And in the end, when I finally found her, it turned out that she didn't want to be found, and that I was very angry about her abandoning me.
I woke up with tears in my eyes. I also woke up with the fear that, maybe, underneath my facade, I am still angry with her for leaving -- for dying. That can't be it, can it? Is the solution to everything that simple?
1 comment:
My mom died last year. I have dreams where we are trying to talk over a phone, or some other communication device, and it never works. Then I get all upset and wake up pissy as hell.
I am pissed, I am sad and though I am feeling "better" at the same time it all seems to be getting worse. Why must it continually be sinking in? When does that stop? When is it not something that hits me in the face at some point in my day?
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