Thursday, February 07, 2013

Five Years

I can't believe five years have passed since that day, that horrible, wretched day. But I'm having a hard time getting the words out this time. It feels like I've already said it, over and over again.

I still miss my mom, every single day. I look at my beautiful, amazing little daughter -- who has her grandmother's eyes -- and I am just so sorry that the two of them never got to meet each other. I hug the baby just a little bit tighter when I think about it. On the one hand, I want to shield her from such loss; on the other, I know that's not healthy for her or for me. I want her to be brave and strong, and you don't get that way if you're raised in a bubble.

And then I finally see that there's a silver lining, a small consolation prize from all of this crazy grief over the past five years: my mother's death made ME stronger. Maybe that's the last gift she gave me.


Stephanie said...

Five years. I can't believe so much time has passed. Thinking of you and so happy you have Sydney to share the mother daughter bond.

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Libyth said...

Wow...your words brought me to tears. I am fortunate to still have my mother, but she's 70 and I don't know for how much longer. I constantly fret over the thought, because aside from my partner & kids, my mother is the ONLY family I have (from the original). My only sibling past away five years ago (he was 10 years older than me) and I guess I ALWAYS thought he'd make it easier for me when mom goes, as I'm "the baby"...but now that HE'S gone, I KNOW when she leaves, that will be the last of everything of the life BEFORE I became a parent. THAT's hard to grasp. I don't know if I'll ever be "ready"...