Wednesday, July 14, 2010


On Sunday, it will be four weeks since I've spoken to my father. I haven't heard from my sister since about a week before that. This might be nothing to most people, but it's a big deal to me. Together, they represent approximately 50% of my remaining family -- and my father is my only living parent. So considering that neither of them seems to care enough to check to see whether I'm alive or dead . . . . I am angry.

It's a growing anger. Every day, I get exponentially angrier and angrier.

Today I am furious.

I am owning up to this feeling. I own this feeling.

I am not letting this feeling own me. Just admitting, out loud, that I am angry, and not having anyone try to invalidate my anger or dismiss it or talk me down is enough right now.


wendryn said...

You have every right to be angry. Stomp, yell, throw things - do what you need.

I have something of the same issue at the moment, and it's adding to my fury at other parts of life. It sucks, makes me feel like I care too much to match their caring too little, and I feel lost in the midst of the anger.

I hope you find your way out eventually, but for the moment, let yourself be angry.

dara said...

I'm okay with just being angry. I've even rationalized it -- it goes something like "My father entered into a social compact when he decided to become a parent some thirty-odd years ago and he is currently in violation of that compact."

Ordinarily, I would attribute this attitude to therapy, but it's not. It's Buddhism: "This is how I feel. It is not good or bad, but is how I am feeling. And it is transitory, like everything else."