One of the things people can't understand about losing a parent is how hard it is to go through all of their stuff. People accumulate so much during their lifetime. So much that I'm starting to think that there is some merit to the idea espoused by George Clooney's character in Up in the Air, that the weight of all of these things is what is keeping us tied down and slowly killing us. But in this case, it's not the weight of my own things that is killing me; it's the things my mother left behind. Every time I think I finish, I find a new pile.
On the one hand, I want to get rid of everything; on the other I want to keep everything forever because it's all I have left.
2 comments:
Sometimes you write things that I want to respond to but I don't have the words.
I helped clean out and deal with my grandmother's belongings in the house my grandfather built for her. I wanted to keep things because they smelled like her, which seems silly, but there was nothing to hold onto anymore.
I'm drawing a blank on anything that might actually help, but I'm thinking about you & hoping you make it through this ok.
Wendryn,
Thanks for the words of encouragement. It's over two years now, and it doesn't seem to get any easier.
The other day, I found myself telling my dad that I just wanted to set it all on fire. He almost let me. Almost.
The thing about the smell struck home. In my shower, I keep a small thing of shower gel in my mother's favorite perfume scent -- which is not a scent that I ever really liked. But when I'm having a particularly tough morning, I'll open that shower gel.
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