Saturday, October 11, 2008


Until today, I never really understood the saying "You can never go home again."

I was in my old hometown today, for the first time in years. Out of curiosity, I decided to drive by the old house. It has a new roof, and new front doors, and a fence around the backyard where there's now a swingset. It's the same house, but it's not my home -- and hasn't been my home for years. Heck, it hasn't even been my family's house for over six years.

It made me recall how, when I was in law school, I had this one particularly horrible semester. I'm not sure if it was classes or something else, but whatever it was, it was really draining. My last exam was Evidence, and after the test was over, I got right in the car and drove the four-and-a-half hours back to Coral Springs -- pretty much on the verge of tears the entire way. And I walked into the house, took one look at my mother, and started crying. Not just because I was stressed out and upset, but also because I was relieved to be home.

I got an A on that exam, just like my mother said I would.

It's different now. In conversation today, I referred to coming to Florida as "coming home," but it's not really true. My house is the condo in Arlington, and the place where my dad lives is just that -- no more, no less. My home, at least the way I remember it, does not really exist anymore.

My mother was home.


mad said...

You could also say, Look Homeward, Angel. The few times I go back to the hood, the same cars are parked on the lawn, the same police helicopters are flying overhead. I guess home is a state of mind.

Sara said...

You managed to describe so eloquently something that we have all felt at one time or another. I remember the first time I found that I could not fall asleep in the bed that used to be mine, 'home' was never the same.

Side View said...

Wow - what a very moving and poetic post. You truly bring across the emotion to your readers. Time heals all, but posts like this and sharing with others hopefully will speed up the healing. Again, what a beautiful expression of emotion in a trying time for you.