The one where the dental hygienist was mean to me

I went to the dentist this morning, for a routine cleaning. Big fat yawn, right?

While there the hygienist said two things that I was not expecting. First of all, she told me that, contrary to years and years of conventional wisdom -- not to mention my mother's nagging -- chewing gum is good for me, and I should do it for 30 minutes after each meal.

An AP article confirms this. So I just went out and bought a new pack of Trident Watermelon Twist.

And second -- most disturbingly -- in relation to the fact that I burned the roof of my mouth on a croqueta de pollo at Jaleo over a week ago, and it still hasn't healed, she told me that "As we get older, our gums take longer to heal."

I was in total shock. First I wanted to hit her in the mouth while shouting "Shut up, beyotch, I'm 31, not 50!" I should have done it too, since old people don't start fistfights with their dental hygienist.

Then I just wanted to cry.

Now, I'm just confused. If I'm so friggin' old, why does she insist on giving me the fake watermelon-flavored fluoride treatment? Blech.