New coat, not the same as the old coat

I got my new coat today, and it is nowhere near as cute as the one I ruined. In fact, it is very boring and camel colored, instead of interesting, vibrant, and purple.

Sigh.

But, to make myself feel better about it, I splurged on a pair of matching cashmere-lined leather gloves.

More proof that soccer fans are cray-zee

Man, I wish King Kaufman had pointed me to this story in time for last week's "best of" list:

Tattoo Artist Sued Over Penis Tattoo Prank

January 23, 2007 10:03 a.m. EST

Komfie Manalo - All Headline News Correspondent

Buenos Aires, Argentina (AHN) - A tattoo artist from Argentina is facing a lawsuit after drawing a penis on the back of an Argentinean football fan instead of his favorite team's official logo.

Reports said the teenager approached the tattoo artist and asked him to tattoo the logo of the Boca Junior football team on his back.

However, the tattooist was an avid supporter of the rival team and decided to play a prank on his young customer.

After reaching home, the victim proudly showed his parents his new tattoo and was surprised to learn that a penis was tattooed on his back.

According to Argentina's Terra newspaper, the victim said, "I could not see what he was tattooing because he didn't have a mirror. I only saw it when I got home and showed it to my parents."

A police spokesperson added, "The tattooist supports Boca Junior's rival, River Plate, so he got annoyed when the teenager asked him to tattoo Boca's symbol and decided to tattoo a penis instead. Unbelievable!"

This is even crazier than the story about the player that was ordered to get married by his team in order to stop his wild partying.

Synchronized coughing

Despite the fact that I'm a thousand miles away from my mom, we managed to have the exact same cold at the exact same time.* So, for the last week, our telephone conversations have been something like:

"{Cough}. Hold on, don't say anything important, I'm going to cough again."
"Okay. {Cough}."
"My neck hurts."
"I was just going to say that! And my knees, too."
"Your knees always hurt when you're sick. You should take some Tylenol."
"I have to go to the grocery store to buy more Tylenol Cold. But it's cold outside. And my nose won't stop running."
"You should try the NyQuil, it's much better."
"Yeah, but then I'll sleep for thirteen hours."
"When did that suddenly become a problem?"

Yesterday, though, the conversation took a comic turn:

"What does it mean when your temperature is only 95.1?"
"It means that you're dead. Either that, or your thermometer is broken."

*And, stranger still, as of this morning, my Nana is reporting a similar set of symptoms.

Best o' the week

During the week, I didn't have enough time to blog about all of the funny/silly/stupid/amusing stories I stumbled across -- so instead, I'm bringing them to your attention this way. In increasing order of how amusing I find them, here are the top five of the week:

• The Federline commercial fiasco:
  
  

  Nationwide Mutual Insurance Co.'s 30-second spot shows Federline, who is estranged from pop princess Britney Spears, performing in a glitzy music video. However, the punch line is that he's daydreaming — while cooking french fries at a fast-food joint.
  
  The ad amounts to a "strong and direct insult to the 12.8 million Americans who work in the restaurant industry," wrote National Restaurant Association President and Chief Executive Steven Anderson in a letter to Nationwide CEO Jerry Jurgensen.
  
  The commercial "would give the impression that working in a restaurant is demeaning and unpleasant," Anderson wrote.
  
  If the Columbus-based insurer airs the spot during the televised Feb. 4 Super Bowl, Anderson said his organization will "make sure that our membership — many of whom are customers of Nationwide — know the negative implications this ad portrays of the restaurant industry."

  
  
  I don't know what is funnier: The idea of this ad, or the thought that some restaurants still cling to the idea that people can be influenced by Kevin Federline.



• Dairy farmers in Wales are employing a new tactic in their quest for romance: They put stickers on their milk bottles.
  
  

  Five single farmers -- three men and two women -- have become an overnight sensation in Wales by putting their photos on thousands of plastic milk containers on grocery shelves. Their "Fancy a Farmer?" stickers also list a Web site (http://www.pishynwales.com/) where potential suitors can get in touch with them.



"Fancy a Farmer?" Brilliant. (Although, it's probably only because "Got Milk?" was already taken.)


• Former Washington Wizards player (and disappointing first round draft pick) Kwame Brown attacked a cake (yes -- you read that right):
  
  

  He reportedly exited a club on Saturday morning, picked up a birthday cake and heaved it at teammate Ronny Turiaf for a laugh. The cake missed Turiaf but ended up hitting another man.
  
  ***
  
  Alexander Martinez was actually struck by his own birthday cake, which was said to cost $190. After the throw, Brown got into a limousine and sped off.



Throwing a cake at your friend isn't really a funny prank, Kwame. And, as a professional basketball player aiming at a pretty big target, how did you manage to not hit your friend? But, more importantly, how did you manage not to figure out that it was not your friend's cake or even his party?

Sheesh. You must be stu-pid.


• Yet another case of "I'm not a lawyer, but I play one on T.V.":
  
  

  During the past two years, when Brian T. Valery was representing a Stamford drug company in connection with product liability lawsuits involving the painkiller OxyContin, William E. McGrath Jr., a lawyer for one of the plaintiffs, found Mr. Valery “unduly aggressive” but never questioned his abilities.
  
  ***
  
  “All first- and second-year attorneys are pretty terrible,” Mr. Maass wrote in a recent exchange of e-mail messages.
  
  But it turned out that Mr. Valery, who billed roughly $300 an hour as he deposed insurance executives and coordinated the testimony of two expert witnesses from Harvard Law School, had never actually been admitted to the bar. Or, for that matter, attended law school, something that eluded his colleagues at Anderson Kill, one of Manhattan’s white-shoe law firms, not to mention the editors of journals for which he co-wrote articles on environmental law and property insurance.
  
  ***
  
  Simple checks might have brought some facts out sooner. While working as a paralegal, Mr. Valery told his bosses that he was attending law school at Fordham University at night, and they altered his work schedule to accommodate classes. But Fordham has no record of Mr. Valery’s enrollment, a spokesman said last week. A call to Siena College in upstate New York also revealed that while Mr. Valery was on track to graduate in the spring of 1996 with a major in sociology, he left without a diploma.
  
  ***
  
  Mr. Valery twice told his supervisors that he had failed the state bar exam, before finally reporting, in 2003, that he had passed it, and in 2004, that he had been admitted to the bar. It is hard to fathom why Mr. Valery would have said he flunked — twice — if his goal all along was to be treated like a lawyer. But he may have felt pressure to complete his evolution from paralegal to lawyer because he was already being described as “an attorney pending admission to the bar” from the moment he claimed to have completed law school, in June 2002. “I don’t know if he was told his job was in jeopardy if he didn’t pass the bar, but he was certainly encouraged to do so,” Mr. Glatzer said.




• The First Annual Pajiba (Sh)it List. (Just read the whole thing.)

M&M me

Forget about South Park -- make yourself into an M&M instead:

M&M Dara

Stupid, stupid

I have been told, on more than one occasion, that I am a very bright girl. But on occasion I have these moments where events conspire to prevent any of my brain cells from functioning.

Yesterday was my first day at my new* job. And after a lovely morning of paperwork, I came back to my office with a horrible headache. By the end of the admittedly short day, I also had a pretty major stomach ache. At that point, I knew I was going to be horribly, horribly sick -- the only question was where and when. Of course, I was hoping that the answer was "not until I got home."

So I tried to rush home, via metro, but only made it as far as the station, when I suddenly needed to throw up. So throw up I did -- over the railing, as one train came and left.

I'm sure a lot of people were horrified. I know I was.

Of course, I somehow managed to get vomit on my scarf and coat -- which was only one month old. And vomit is gross. So, as anyone who knows me at all knows all too well, I had a compulsion to thoroughly clean it -- sterilize, even -- immediately.

So, I got home, and threw my scarf and coat in the washing machine.

Uh, wool coat.

Yeah, so it's completely ruined -- the wool shrank, the lining tore. Basically, it's a complete disaster.

I think that the moral of the story is that you shouldn't do laundry until you have a chance to think about it first.


*Not entirely new new, but that's a different story. Suffice it to say, for now, that it's not the job I just left.

Brrrrrr!

Oh sure. I get home from vacation and it snows.

It's a conspiracy.

À bientôt!

It'll be quiet here for the next week, since I'll be here:



I'm sure I'll have interesting things to write when I get back.

Last Day Of Work!

Yay for me!

Still, I need to learn how to budget my time better. It's not even 1:00 yet, and my office is cleaned out completely and my happy hour e-mail has been sent. In short, I have nothing to do until 4:30, when I have my exit interview -- and turn in my corporate card and BlackBerry. (Double yay!)

I guess I could finially finish Tropic of Cancer -- but it seems so . . . inappropriate for work. I sometimes even get embarrassed when someone might see me reading it on the Metro. (And it was pretty weird when I innocently started reading it at my parents' house, not really knowing what it was about.)

I found the perfect book . . .

. . . to take with me to Morocco:



A book, about a trip to North Africa, that inspired a Police song. How is that not perfect?* Plus, it's on my list.



*Camus' The Stranger -- which inspired The Cure -- would, theoretically, also be a good pick, but (a) I already read it and (b) it's not on the list.

I should know better

Earlier this week, I told my parents that I was going to "Rock the Casbah" on my trip to Morocco. Of course, I was stunned that they did not get the Clash reference.

Today in College Football

I have tried to be good. I have refrained from blogging about the Gators' win all day -- even though the most recent comments have definitely taken a turn in that direction.

So, my response:

At approximately 12:30 yesterday, on the way to lunch, my boss asked me what I thought about my alma mater's chances of winning. I said that I thought that Ohio State was a more talented, deeper team -- and would win -- but that Florida would somehow manage to keep it a close game.

Boy, was I ever wrong.

Of course, I've learned several important lessons from this. First and foremost is that you should never count the Gators out in a year ending in 6. But second is that that Chris Leak gets no respect.

Oh, and I still think the Boise State-Oklahoma game was WAY more exciting.

Square Peg, Round Hole

This is not exactly news to some of you, but for those who don't already know: I'm leaving my job, as of Friday.

You see, several months ago, I started having a crisis of conscience about where my life was headed -- and how I've come to realize that success is not the same as money. I had no idea what kind of Pandora's box that opened.

Several weeks later, I had what can be described as a moment of lucidity -- or maybe even an epiphany. Hipster Dork had written about having second thoughts about leaving his job when they offered him more money to stay. After reading his post, I commented:

"Wow. I can't imagine turning down a 25% raise. Then again, I have already sold my soul to the devil for a higher paycheck.

All the CD's and shoes I can now buy don't make up for the fact that most days, I loathe what I'm doing.

It's never worth it."

So, in the words of Peter Gibbons, "I don't like my job, and, uh, I don't think I'm gonna go anymore."

Most of you would probably think I'm crazy if you knew how much money I was giving up. And yeah, you'd probably have a point. Still, as I just wrote to Nicole, right now, I am a miserable little square peg that simply does not fit into the fancy round hole.

And apparently, I'm not the only one having the same type of revelation: The New York Post just ran an interesting article about how, this time of year, mid-level associates quit their big law firm jobs in droves. So, it seems that I'm not the only person who hates being leashed to a BlackBerry.

But don't fear: There is a plan for what I'm doing next. Still, even if there wasn't, I'd probably be doing this anyway. You see, I'm hoping to reclaim my life.

New TV obsession

Thanks to the lack of new episodes of TV shows around the holidays, this time of year is when I finally get to catch up on the things I didn't get to see in the theater or when they were first on TV.* Today, I just finished a marathon of season 2 of Entourage -- and I can't believe that it took me so long to finally get around to seeing it. It is really really good!

I am sad that the seasons are so short,** and that the third season hasn't finished airing yet -- so it won't be available on DVD for a while.

I haven't had HBO for 6 years, but maybe I should look into getting it again.

Oh, and while I think that Ari is a funny, funny character -- and Jeremy Piven does a fine job acting -- I don't understand why Kevin Connolly isn't getting any critical acclaim. I, for one, am totally in love with Eric.***




* For example, last weekend, I finally got to see Talladega Nights (not that good).

** The first season was only 8 half-hour long episodes, and the second season was a marginally-better 14.

*** Don't worry, kids. I am fully aware that the character is not real. And the fact that the actor dated (dates?) one of the Hilton sisters makes him incurably icky in real life.

Inappropriate Touching

Don't get me wrong: I totally understand the uncontrollable desire to touch Jon Bon Jovi. Still, this guy probably should have exercised some self-restraint.

Although, no one would be making a big deal about it if I did it -- since I'm a girl.

First impressions

Justin did it a couple weeks ago, and Scarlet just did it today -- so I thought I'd join in the new fun meme making its way across the blogosphere (such as it is). Here are the first lines of the first post of each month of 2006:

• February: This is my first post. Ever.



• March: I generally go to Tom Sietsema for restaurant reviews and the Going Out Gurus for info about the DC bar scene.



• April: As indicated, the NCAA basketball poll will end on Monday instead of Sunday.



• May: About a month ago, I posted about the rave reviews being given to Craig Ferguson's new book. Even David Duchovny likes it, although that isn't surprising since he does have a thing for late-night tv hosts.



• June: Everyone at work thinks this is funny.



• July: Per Gawker, Alec Baldwin's i-Pod is currently for sale on e-Bay. The bidding is up to $117.50, with just under 9 days left.



• August: I know this is going against everything I generally stand for, but I think Jimmy Carter is wrong, and {gulp} the Bush administration is closer to being right on the Israel-Lebanon conflict.



• September: I have hurricanes on my mind today -- and not just the kind that are playing my alma mater on Monday.



• October: A lot of people post these lists of 100 things about them.



• November: Dave Navarro used to be my favorite blogging musician -- and it's not that I don't still love him -- it's just that John Mayer is friggin' hilarious.



• December: Bored on a rainy Friday? Take the How's Your Vocabulary? quiz.

Strangely enough, these do not seem as much fun out of context.

Inexcusable

Maybe this is me being hypercritical, but would it have killed the folks in my leasing office to use spellcheck?




Seriously, though -- if it was just on the one sign, it could have been dismissed as a typo, but the fact that it shows up on two different signs means that someone can't spell January. (Which is not even as hard as "February." Or "Wednesday.")